Showing posts with label silver trachestomy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silver trachestomy. Show all posts

Sunday, May 06, 2012

Fear

I havnt posted much recently. I guess I have been getting on with life.
Not to mention trying not to complain as much. I have things pretty good, I know I do and believe me I am thankful for that.

But then, there are times, when I know how lucky I am, but I also know something isnt right. But I worry about seeking help, incase I am wrong, that things are fine and I am over reacting. I know I have written about this feeling before, but at time like now, the feeling gets so overwhelming. I know its ridclous and that doctors trust me, but learning to trust myself is a whole differnt level.

Right now, I am on antibiotics again, as I have 2 sets of infection in my trachea/lungs. Staphylococcus aureus and Streptococcus. But right now, breathing is tough. It feels like I have something stuck in my throat, other than the obvious metal tube through which I am breathing. This means, my breathing is hard, restricted and noiesy. But here is where it confuses me, I can kinda breathe around it, as so to keep the noise down, but sometimes, I cant and thats when it gets scary.

The video, is more for my record, but you get the idea. Its just regular breathing.

So, I have clinic on wednesday. And one part of me says please let it be nothing as I dont want any anything else to go wrong, while the other part of me says, I hope I am not exagerating and that there is a genuine problem. While the other part of me that comes out when things get scary, says, please admit whilst I am down there and sort this out to stop it being scary.

I think in conclusion, that we can see that i get scared easy. Im scared of my own body and that sucks. But deep down, I dont want to show my fear, and so I only want to mention genuine problems.

So this is me, addmitting, that the world can be a scary place and that my mind is a bit of a mess at the minute, but I have not given up.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

What a week.

It seems like forever since I last posted here.
I guess life has been hectic.

Last weekend, I began getting short of breathe again and finding it harder and harder to tolerate wearing my speaking valve. I was going to London on the Monday, so kept putting it down being more conscious of my breathing and that everything was fine.

London was like a huge social event ha. I traveled down with a fellow patient, in first class, where we laughed and gossiped a lot. I was coughing a lot, which was kinda amusing as the people at the next table kept looking at me and eventually got up and moved further down train. My friend said I should cough some more so we could have the whole carriage to ourselves.

Booked into the ward and all my favourite nurses were on shift so it was more gossip before nipping over the road for yummy pasta and falling into bed exhausted.


Surgery went fine, they removed a lot of scar tissue, including a huge lump just above my trach, which explains why I was starting to struggle. (Icky pics comming up)


I also managed to get my trach changed to a silver one, which I am much more happy with. Its less bulky and generally easier to keep functioning.

This is the old one, how I had to wear it most the time.
And this is the silver one

So yeah, overall very happy with it.

I was not feeling to great the first day after surgery and so I stayed in a little longer than normal. I also got to attend my own patient confrence with all the docs which was pretty fun. But thats another entry for another day.

And so Saturday, I went out with my niece, where we tried on dresses, bought dresses, ate pizza, drank starbucks and watched titanic 3D. It was a pretty fun day.





However, sitting in the pictures, I began to feel odd, I kept having palpertations and believe me they had nothing to do with Leo De Caprio. Walking to the train station, I had to actully stop and sit and rest several times, which I never do, I push on. I was coughing so much, that it was a fight to keep my stomach contents where they should be.

I got home and just felt worse, which sucked. So i went to bed. My niece set up all my equipment and nebs.

But a few hours later, I was getting worse and worse and so it was decided a trip to A&E was in order. Not one of my favourite places.

Scared the heck out of my niece, hugged her and off we went, all the while mum complaining that I had done to much and my niece applogising her heart out for making me do to much.

A&E took me staright to resus and I was seen fairly promptly. After several failed attempts to put a cannula in or get blood, they eventually got a small amount, which was sent off. The doc then spent just over an hour trying to get some arterial blood, which was not to be. I hate getting artieral blood done as its rather painful and hard to get mine. With both my wrists not giving up a single drop, he headed to my femoral arteries. Which I hate and are just as bad. It basically means lying on your back, with a doc with his fingers digging in where your leg joins your body on the inside, so yeah, not a nice place, espcially not when you are coughing so much you need to sit with your legs crossed.

Eventually they managed to get some, but my breathing issues had settled down as quick as they started. My results came back showing infection, but no real reason why I was so ill with it. After a camera down my throat and much negotionion they decided at 6am that I could go home.

And that was my little adventure to A&E, where I swear yet again to say never again!!

I still feel rather rough, but I am at least breathing and just waiting for my body to recover from last week. My chest aches from coughing, so the painkillers are out in force, which adds to the crap feeling. So rest is my friend about now.