Christmas and birthday in one.

Yesterday, I celebrated christmas with a friend. I even got a stocking yay.

We watched Elf and had a roast dinner and a huge pud.

Yes, that was taken about 10pm and yes we are still in out pjs.
It was also my birthday, so I got to do 2 in 1.
It was fun.
Until my friend pointed out that I am no longer mid twenties, but in fact late twenties nowI am 26 eek, where did life go.
Which wasnt so fun.
But its all good as she is still older than me :)

Today, I go back into hospital ready for theatre tomorrow to remove the stent. the sooner the better is what I say. This has shown me, that my body still dislikes stents, even if they are covered in my own skin grafts. I literally havnt stopped coughing for days with the squeak of my breathing waking me frequently, whats more, what is coming up, is disgusting even by my standards. Not to mention, that each day, I feel a little more restricted in what I can do and even changing postions at times curently, can leave me with a quickened breathing rate.

But alas, that is still not my major concern right now. The scar from this surgery, looks pretty good. (Scar pictures with and without staples below, so feel free to skip)

For less than 2 weeks post surgery, I think thats looking pretty good, however, I have developed a slight swelling above it and my neck just looks hugely think.

I guess its just a pocket of trapped air, but it does change size throughout the day. But if I turn my head in certain ways, I get the feeling of pressure on my throat, where I swallow. More oddly than that, and something I am still unsure how it corralates, but if I turn my head slowly right, I get another pressure feeling, in the midst of my chest, close to my heart, as if something is pushing on it. Its all very odd and probably absloutly nothing to worry about. However, that does not quite relieve the feeling of anxiety that comes everytime I move my head and my heart feels odd.

Back to Charing Cross in a few hours, where I am sure they will just laugh and say its to be expected. So here is to the hope, that within the next few days, I come away with a normal airway once again and no longer feel that anxiety nor the worry of being face with an incline to walk up.

And as I write, I am currently laughing at my friend who is looking like a DIY expert trying to build furniture hehe.

Meaning of life and now 25!

I think facebook has become a danger zone for me. I have never been one of those people, who thought much about the reasoning behind things. I am not relgous in any shape or form, but I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. For a long time, I have had this feeling, that I want to do something useful in my life. Now obviously, I am not going to solve world hunger or stop domestic violence, but I just wanted to matter in some way, to leave my mark on the world somehow. This urge was never a problem when I was younger, my impact on the world, could simply have been to raise a couple kids and have a good family. At one point, I did fantasize about being frozen and bought back to life in the future. Now most people would probably be thinking, that to be in the future, was to see the changes on the world. Nope, not me. I wanted to come back at the end of the  world. I guess to see how the story ends, meh, I was/am a strange kid.

Point being? I never contemplated the meaning of life, or why any of us are here. We all have a destiny and will reach it in our own unique way. But somewhere I have picked up my own beliefs on the meaning of life. In the back of my mind, I find myself seeing old friends updating their facebook. Getting married, having kids, having fun, buying houses. At 25, I thought I would have a family and my own house, never imagined that I would reach the point where I still lived with my parents, didn’t work and didn’t get beyond a high school education.

For a while, I have been focusing on that that I cant do. On good days it dosnt bother me, but on bad days it can get me down. But this is not what the focus should be. I need to learn to focus on what I can do, and what I can achieve. I may never have kids of my own, but I can be an awesome Auntie. I can do treats and days out, I can be the shoulder to cry on and the friendly advice when needed. Sometimes, I just need to keep all this in mind.

And speaking of being 25, yesterday was my Birthday (yay.) I wanted to do something, but overall, I just didn’t have the energy and its right after Christmas so everyone is skint anyway. So instead, I took my eldest niece and my friend out to tea in a 60’s themed American Dinner.  It might have only been a couple of hours, but it was fun.

Alison didnt like me taking her picture ha.

 We had fun with the clapper board

The toilet door!

The hot dog that took up the whole table! 

 And the most yummy milkshakes ever!! I had Oreo nom nom, Alison had Strawberry, but left most of it because it smelt too much of milk haha (Well she is blonde)

Getting in the mood to a bit of Frank Sinatra 

 

And subsequently, I had fun on facebook, adding fun titles to the clapperboard :)

It was only a couple of hours, but it was nice, to just sit and chill out to old music and be able to natter and such.

Today, I have been pretty tired, but not too much. Breathing seems to have eased a little bit, in that I can actually sleep properly now and not wake up in agony. Might try going out tomorrow and see how it is. The oddest thing today, is that I keep getting the overwhelming urge to just cry. I dont know why, I dont feel sad or stressed. I just feel sad inside. Probably just hormones.