Thats not to say that I am better and well, I still have a lot of issues, but right now, they cant do anything to fix things, so I have opted to only go in if things get unbareable or in an emergency.
I feel like the fog is lifting, that I am getting back to me. I am thinking ahead, tackeling jobs that I have been putting off for months, sorting my diet out. things like that.
My room has been a mess for so long. I love to craft and love having crafting stuff, but it was never organzied. Now I am working on my room and though it will take a long time to finish, I am taking pleasure in it and thinking about how much nicer it will be to work in once it is done.
I am taking an intrest in my appearnce again. Fixing my hair (which is oddly still a normal colour), makeup occasionally and wearing things other than jeans and hoodies.
I am thinking about m diet. For so long, it has been comfort food, with no care for tomorrow. And believe me it has had an effect. I am the biggest I have ever been and boy do I feel it. I dont like looking in the mirror, but my bones and joints are complaining. I am already in such a high risk group for issues with my bones, that I need to take care of them.
I am thinking of things to do with my time. Craft stuff, charity stuff, medical stuff. So much that I can do, so much that may make a differnce.
I am sorting out my sleep routine. Getting up earlier (for me) and hoping that in turn will make me tired earlier so I will go to bed at a resonable time.
Most of all I am itching to go on an adventure. the last few years I have holidayed alone. I like it, you meet so many more people and get to do exactly what you want to do and when. But this winter I didnt go. I didnt feel up to it, and didnt spend long enough of out hospital. But now, it is like my soul has been awakened and it wants to take in as much as it can on this earth. After all, its the memories that keep you alive when all else is crumbeling.
I know this isnt all hospital related. I have had a med change/increase which i think has helped a lot too. But most of all, it is finding myself and realising that there is more to life that sterile rooms and unpleasntness.
This last year was horrible. So many times when I didnt think I would make it to see another day. So many close encounters, so many things going wrong. So many embarrassments and nasty procedures. But as the saying goes, that which doesnt kill me, only makes me stronger.
And so, I am off, to think of some more adventrues.
I havnt donethis in a while, but heres a selfie. and heres to the future.
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