still breathing

Its strange, to be a couple of weeks out of surgery and still breathing.
Dont get me wrong, my breathing isnt fab, I still cant run up the upstairs, despite doing it a couple of times a day.
But, I can go up them at the same ok speed that i have been doing for the last week and what is more, I dont have to stop halfway. I try ti avoid running up stairs, but every so often, my mind forgets and I run to the top without thinking. At the top it hits me and i have to sit a few minutes. But that will come in time hopefully.

This is where I start to see the benefit. I am at the point now, where I would begin my downwards slope. But this time, the tube is there, so, I should stay the same. I should stay stead and allow my body to catch back up. The good times are coming.

My wound healing is getting there, albeit slowly. Its taking multiple dressings a day, still a little painful and its going to leave a huge scar, but I am healing is safely, from inside out. Looks like my nurse training wont go to waste after all.

Thinking about it I do have more energy. Its slow coming and I am not going to go out and run a marathon anytime soon. But once i am up and moving, I feel awake and ok. I dont feel as drowesy and I dont want to curl up and sleep every spare minute. Hopefully this will continue. Though addmittedly, I still dont get up till lunch time.

But this is where my current issue lies. To get out of my rough patch I had last, mentally speaking, it involved a lot of non thinking as I call it. I dont let my mind wander. and I know locking things in can make things worse, but for now it works. During the day, my mind is occupied. Of an evening, I keep it occupied, be it crafts, films, online junk. Its almost become habbit. I hate doing nothing, so even if just my hands are busy it is enough. Of course, to keep this up, it has always meant that I dont go to bed, till I am at the point where I know I will get to sleep very quickly. Usually within 30 mins as my ipod goes into sleep mode then. But lately my mind isnt going into the sleep mode. No matter how much I do during the day, no matter how early I take my pills, no matter what. If i go to bed before I hit that point, I end up in a bit of a mess making it harder to sleep. But I cant stay up all night and I am exhausted when I try to wake up. So sleep is one of those issues that still needs work. Its at a frustrating point, but I dont want to change to much too quick as I am still adjusting to sleeping with my new neckwear and things are not settled yet. soon though, I am going to make a big effort.

But for now, yay.