Friday, March 16, 2012

It's 4am

Very occasionally I get nights like these. It kinda reminds me of that brain freeze feeling you get when eating something cold, except it only effects my memory not my whole brain.

It becomes super sensitive. Everything becomes clear and painful. Memories that have been missing for years are suddenly right in front of my eyes playing over and over.

They still have the power to hurt and the power to leave so shocked I struggle to breathe.

Tonights memory has been missing for almost 10 years and I can fully say that I wouldn't have missed it.

I can recall the exact amount of steps I ran down taking them two at a time. The weight of the door as I charged through. The colour of the paint and the smell of the foyer. The amount of times I banged on the door and the throb of my hand.

The exact position I stood in, the side I ducked to, the warmth and radiating fear of the person stood next to me.

The momentary coolness and sharp pain. I recall my exact words, the way I lowered myself to the ground. The crew that came, leaving the building.

Enough brain. There was a reason this was all locked away. I need to sleep. Please let me. Please let me just sleep. Let me shut my eyes and it be morning when things are once again safe.

Same goes for you phantom pain. Enough.

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