Saturday, March 10, 2012

Chasing dreams

Today, I want to curl up and sleep the rest of the day off.

Last night I had a wonderful dream, one of those that felt so real. I was well and happy and running around doing all kinds of jobs. I fell in Love, with my dream man (It was Patrick Dempsey lol) and we got married. It was just wonderful.  But it was one of those dreams that stays with you all the next day. And so today, no matter how stupid it is and how unrealistic it is, I cant help but feel sad that it was just dream. So today, I have been quiet.

But today has been more than that. I went shopping with mum, but my stomach cramps kicked in and I was in so much agony I could barley breathe. I wanted to cry at the pain, both in my stomach and in my neck. I hate stomach cramps. I asked for help with them at clinic the other month, and they said they would review it for me. But then I got a letter saying they had decided not to do any further tests as it is probably related to adhesions from the amount of surgery I have had. Its frustrating. If it is adhesions, there isnt anything that can be done, it will just be something that will always be there.

I am also finding it more and more tiring to keep my throat and chest clear. With my last trach, I hardly used suction and was able to cough everything out 95% of the time. But now, I find myself needing it more and more. Which isnt ideal when out of the house.

To top that, mum is moaning at me for never going out as I have only left the house twice in the last week.

Getting a trach was meant to make things easier. But so far it hasnt. I know I just need to give it time and give myself time and keep looking to the future. But for today, I think I am going to write it off as a bad day.
Time to go back and day dream about my marriage to Patrick.

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