Is there a lot of mention of knives about these last few days?

Today, I have struggled with my mind.
It has been so long since I have had such a fight with it.
Clinging on to it, telling it to stay in the here and now.
Rereading the same line over and over again in a book, not taking any of it, as a familure scene plays over and over in my mind.
I feel myself cower inside, as I know what is coming next.
Most scenes I recall like yesterday, I have seen them so many times.
But some scenes, some scenes are long forgoten, until they come back and play in perfect clarity.
These are the harder ones, the less familure ones.
I dont know what to expect, so I never know where it will lead.

I need to get a hold of these visions. I need my concentration back.
I need to be in the present when I next go for surgery.