Sunday, December 04, 2011

I am continually learning, improving, adjusting. It's amazing how little I know about myself or the world. Everyday brings a new perspective. I learn by adjustment.

In the past two years I have spent more time in hospital than I care to admit and changed so much in that time. But that is a good thing. I am better for it.

For a long time I saw no future. I believed that the end would come soon. And so I lived as if that were true.

As a result of that I have given my everything. My heart, my love, my trust. And I am a better person for it.

When I got the trach out after the first reconstruction, it felt so good and the possibilities of living the life I wanted left me in tears for hours.

Alas it wasn't to be and the treatments alone left my spirit tattered.

But right now I have a break in treatment and although things are not at their best I know that I can manage this and that I am nor dying.

I am well in fact. I can do a lot within my limitations. And I am ready to live. I can conquer the world if I so choose. I can be anything I want to be as long as I set my heart on it.

Living is what I have set my heart on. That dosnt mean I have not learnt anything. I have learnt to love and how to live. I have adjusted my values.

There is to much at steak to give in. There are people who need me. My mum to keep her grounded. My dad to break up his day. My niece to give her tips on how to get through highschool.

This Christmas is about love. No threats of hospital, death or not being up to it. This year is to be the best yet.

I take all my lessons forward with me. And grow upon them. I am not sad about the past for I have learnt from it.

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