Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Diary

So, I now have, in my possession and currently residing on my bed, the dairy that mum kept while I was in hospital. Its not long and I know there are huge chunks missing, lets face it, in those situations, keeping records is the last thing on your mind. My mum is not the most eloquent or writer either so some sentence run on for whole paragraphs.

I was given the book about 6 months after I got out of hospital to read and I remember glancing through it, but at the time, I just wasnt ready. I dont know what has change, but now it feels right. It feels like the right time. Last time, the thought of crying would make me mad, but now, I know that given the life changing events that are recorded, crying, is normal.

Tonight, I think I am going to share the first entry with you, which is two and half pages. The first couple of entries were written about a week after they occurred so some things may be jumbled.

Tuesday 5th December 2002

You arrived by ambulance to the hospital approx. 6:20 as far as we know.
Sister on duty says Peter arrived with you after a 999 call, your life was saved for the first time by the knife being left were it was. Christopher arrived home at 6:15, the phone rang at 6:30 to tell us that you were in a critical state and that we should attend as ASAP (You had been conscious and refused to give our phone number) Christopher phone Dad who was at work, he booked off and started home, Christopher phoned me at the shops to come home straight away. On the way home, I phoned Tracey she was to meet us at home. Michelle was on nights so she was in bed, her and Mike met us at the hospital A&E. Dad arrived home, Tracey, Christopher and me took the journey to the hospital, it felt so long. When we all arrived we were taken to the relatives room. The CID came to see us.

We were told that you had been stabbed and that you had gone straight to surgery. We met Peter, Kieran and Kirsty. Peter was really shocked and worried. We sat and waited for news. 6 1/2 hours later the surgeon Mr g. came to tell us how you were it was a real shock your liver had been damaged and the main artery had been severed. The liver specialist had been sent for. Prof P. from Liverpool, so for the second time you were lucky. It was a temporary operation and when you were well enough to travel you would be transfered to the Royal for a further op. When you were settled in the ITU we were allowed to see you for a few minutes. Alison arrived at the hospital, ahe had been in town, so she came by train.

You were in a lot of pain and in a bad way, upset and distressed and very confused. We had a police guard all that night and the next day. We visited throughout the night and all sat waiting for good news, they were having problems and you were still bleeding. They tried to clot your blood. After several hours the descsion was made although you were extremely ill there was no choice but to go back to theater or you would die. Mr G. was very good, he spoke to us and you had very little chance, but we had to take it, we just had time to say good bye and give you our love and a kiss, you could not see Dad but you knew he was there so you reached out for his hand and you held my hand and pulled us to your cheek. We really thought we were to lose you all over again.

3 1/2 hours in surgery this time, we were told that your right lung had also been damaged by the knife.

Your blood pressure had gone so low and your heart was giving cause for concern, once again you fought your way around, Michelle, Mike, Tracey, Christopher and Alison waited for some news. Keith phoned every 30 mins, he had to look after the gang as it was short notice to arrange baby sitters.

The hospital wanted to move you tot he Royal but you were far to ill to travel, so we waited hour by hour. The hospital found us a small room next to the ITU so we could be at hand. We sat with you every minute we could, leaving ITU at about 1:30 every night and back by 7am. Your BP dropped very low, your oxygen was 100% fully sedated. Two people only were allowed at your bed. Michelle came every morning. Christopher, Alison and Tracey every night. We all took turn and just held your hand and told you to fight on.

The last time I saw you awake I made you promise that you would not give up and would not let Dave win. You shook your head ad I held you to it. At the time not knowing how hard you would have to fight for your life.

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