Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Heavy heart.

I have had the blog page open for about an hour, trying to put this weekend and more so the last month or even year into words. My heart is heavy and I wish so much that I could change things. There is so much that I would change.

I think that I have mentioned before here that my sister was having trouble with her son (my nephew) and his dad (who she is separated from) causing trouble. Well her son was getting progressively more violent and the police have ended up involved several times. He has now moved out to live with his dad and as I much as I hate his dad, I hope that it works out for him. Of course, at 17, he now has a police record, but again, I hope this brings some sense into him. Because of the way things were left, right now, its just not possible to stay in touch with him. He knows how to get in touch and I just have to hope that he does if he needs us.

My sister is now dating a bloke from her past, who lives in Blackpool, roughly an hour away from here and she is now thinking of moving up there. I say thinking, its more so is in the process of moving. She sees it as a good opportunity. She wants a clean start, away from her ex and as her son has moved out, she will need to move to. They currently live in a 3 bedroom house in an expensive part of town. But, not only does she lose the money for housing him, she also has to pay out maintenance for both him and her other daughter who moved out last year. (Daddy is nice to them, so they go running, though the daughter is realizing that hes not like that when you live with him)

And while, this all seems positive, the trouble is, as much as I love my sister, she goes through men and phases like a teenager.

My youngest niece, who still lives with her mum, stayed in ours over the weekend and the amount of time she almost burst into tears, was heart breaking. She moved school a couple of weeks ago, as her Dad kept waiting for her at school, when he has been banned from meeting her. It was a big change for her to change school. And now, he mum wants to move her again to Blackpool. To a place where she knows no one and dosnt even know the area. Its a huge change and will mean 3 different schools in one year. She dosnt want to go, yet is hiding behind a smile as she dosnt want to upset her mum. Her mum has all these big plans, for her to go to running club and kick boxing with the fella, but she is just not a a sports person. To look at her with tears in her eyes and know that there is nothing that I can say or do to make it better nor to stop it from happening.

I am so angry at her mum, for putting her through what she is putting her through. She goes out of an evening and leaves her alone. She so often puts herself first and many others first before her own daughter. Its heartbreaking. I just wish there were more I could do. More to save her or make things easier on her.

I really dread her growing up, I just know this is all going to come back and make her teen years harder. She will have practically missed a whole year of school and her mums example is to meet fellas off the web for dates as long as they pay and include fancy hotels. And no matter what you say to her mum, she just tuts and says, im an adult I can do what I like.

The whole situation, is just tearing me up inside.
My niece is the person I fight for. When days are hard, it is her, that I keep going for. I like that she can get the bus to ours when she needs me and that I can drive to hers in 20 mins for a cuddle. I love the fact, that even though she is at that awkward age body wise, she feels comfortable enough with me to strip down to her bra and that a good way to bribe her is to let her sleep in the same bed as me. It reminds me of when she was a toddler and I used to share a bed. I would wake up in the night and she would be curled up with her head on my tummy. In the morning when I awoke, she would be leaning on my chest, peering close at me waiting for me to awake and as soon as I opened my eyes, I would be greeted with the biggest grin before she flung her arms around my neck.

Cuddles with her make everything better for me. I just wish there were someway to make things better for her.

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