Sunday, September 04, 2011

London time

Since I did that speakers training the other day, something has changed. I dont know, its hard to describe. I think, I am finally accepting the whole transplant thing. However, my curiosity is spiked. I want to know more.  I think I need to look at what went on, how things ended up the way they did. Mum kept a dairy. Things like how the day had been, any developments and who visited and such. She showed me a few years ago, but I dont think I was ready then. I think I feel ready now. That is my plan for next week.

I had a gp appointment the other day and I went. But it was silly really as all my problems seemed to have cleared up. Today, one is back with vengeance. blah

Tomorrow, I begin the treck that comes with commuting to hospital. At a time when I realise how much I truly relay on my car. I dread the walk from station to hospital. I usually get a bus half way, but even the last half takes it out of me.

Today, I had a realization. I have not been out with mum moving about in a while, not properly. Today was shopping day and we had to do a good shop as I wont be around till Tuesday and then I will sleep for a few days. And it is her chemo week so she wont be up and about. Several times, mum had to stop and wait for me and visibly slow down. I couldnt speed up. The slightest attempt to felt like heavy exercise and my temperature soared. She always used to tell me to slow down walking and I hated it. But I have, without realizing it. Shows what happens when you dont keep up appearances I guess.

Its a mild annoyances, that I have worked hard not to lose muscle tone even on long admissions. Yet, I am losing it anyway, despite my best efforts. I know there is only so much you can do, but hopefully I will get some relief from this admission. I had to turn my humdifier down last night. It felt like it was chocking me, like it was flowing to fast.

Coughing fits at this stage are also getting more scary, where they leave me gasping in the middle and almost passing out at the end.

So, from here on in, the only way is up.

On that note, nope I aint showered, nor packed my stuff. I have however argued with mum over which back pack to take as she claims I need the one with wheels as I cant carry a bag. I have agreed to leave my beloved laptop at home. sob sob

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