Ah, theres not much new in the life of kim at the moment. I have been tired, but I think it has more so been down to being active. Mums chemo seems to be hitting her harder this time. And she is too exhausted to do anything by the afternoon (though she spends the morning doing silly stuff which is getting a tad annoying) This means, that most afternoons/evenings, I have been catching up on the shopping/cooking/paperwork etc. Its not been to bad as I have been able to do it at my own pace, I find by 7:30, I just feel whacked out. So the plan now, that I am trying to get in, is going to bed earlier. But its easier said than done, as I like my nights. I like it when the house is quiet and I have nothing I need to do or think about. I can just relax and do what I like. But I am going to try and go earlier.
As for breathing. Things still seem to be going good. I have had a couple of bad days, where I had an angry rage/cry to friend as it was hard and I was at the point where I was planning on begging them to put the trach back in. (that should tell you how bad that night was) But I have also had good days. Ok, not where I should be up to, but better than I have had for a few years. So, its all pretty good at the moment. Though, I guess I havnt been as pushed as normal. Normally I have to keep up with others, but as I am runing things, I can do things at my own pace.
The time when it was hard, was the other day when I had to be out for certain time and suddenly things were hard. I still had to do things just as quick, but it was scary, all the old feelings of not being able to breathe and worrying about what comes next and how I will get through what I need to. But for now, this is positive and I am going to hold onto that.
Just think, if this carries on, in a few months time, things could just be amazing. If I saved up, I could probably afford to go back to uni, at least comptly one course. or even scrap it an just work. At the moment its still a distant dream as I still lack the energy. But it is all possible. The hope of it is keeping me going right now.
And more so, I am going to London on Monday for clinic. But this means I get to socialise with a friend. Which is yay. And I can do stuff, as I can breathe. So yay for that too.