Monday, May 23, 2011

I have heard there are troubles to come..

I had forgotten what it felt like to have hot, steamy water massaging your back, while surrounded by the sweet smell of soap. Everything forgotten, tension loosened and mind free.

Today, for about the first time in 8 weeks, I had a proper shower, standing up un-aided and without exhaustion.
Before today, I have been showering by sitting on the shower floor. I didnt have the breathe to stand and use my arms together and I couldnt tip my head back far enough to wash my hair without my airway blocking before. But today I stood, it felt good, normal. I didnt get out and collapse on my bed for a few hours. I managed to get dried and dressed straight off and comb my hair. In total it took about 30 mins start to finish. So much better than the 3 hours of previous.

My mind is whirling. Oh, the hope of being able to breathe. To take the kids the beach again in the summer, to run and play with them in the water,to sit on the sand without fearing of filling my lungs with sand. To visit London properly, to take in the sights, without having to worry about resting in between. To lengthy conversations, late night phone calls, singing away and having fun. Ordering drinks at bar without resorting to sign language and pointing. To feeling tired after a long day instead of a day of doing nothing.

I know this is not likely to be straight forward or a clear road, but this road has to widen at some point, it has to reach a conclusion. For now, I need to keep a future in mind. To top up my stores of hope. To have thoughts that bring a smile to face when I think back.

I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!

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