Friday, May 20, 2011

Dare to Dream

I know that hope is one of the main feelings that can get you through a bad day. But if you get your hopes up only to be let down, is it safer to play each day by ear?

Yesterday I began to get excited. I went for a walk with physio and my sats stayed stable and high at 97%.  It felt great to be moving, at a decent pace and yet breathing at the same time. I also began to talk yesterday. I dont want to do it to much as I know that area of my trachea still needs to rest and heal, but it makes a huge huge difference.

I was torn, do I get excited? or do I wait and see. Inside, I know that it wont make that much difference as the T tube is still in and I have to wait till it comes out. But the hope was there. One of my favorite nurses came in for a chat before the end of her shift and we had a nice conversation. She asked me about the future and I replied that until things settle I dont feel able to plan my future. She was full of hope that this was going to work and I should begin to make plans. But I cant bear the thought of making plans and then having to cancel again like the last 2 years of uni.

I am glad I took this stand, as today, my body seems to be fighting back once again.

I have literally sat on my neb all day, yet still felt blocked at the same time. I even let the nurse use suction, which is a rare thing for me as I find it gross and dont like the idea of someone else dealing with it. But I let her, not that it got very far as things were still pretty stuck up.

Whilist my breathing today has still been good, it is nowhere near what it was yesterday and I have spent a large amount of time coughing my head off. With random nurses sticking there head around the door to make sure I was ok. I feel exhausted, even after sleeping most of the day.

So, here is to hoping that things improve once again tomorrow.

I am however begining to like this ward more now. I have gotten to know the nurses and I think they mostly trust me. Most of them are not that much older than me, if not the same age and I guess that makes conversation easier, though it dosnt stop me in my head turning it round and round doing the whole, that could have been me. But for now I am in good spirits.

1 comment:

  1. My fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you! About time you had some good news/real improvement. Am excited for you but understand the hesistance on your part.
    i really hope this is it, Kim.
    Love ya!!!