Saturday, February 26, 2011


My energy levels at present are way screwy and annoying the heck out of me.
Last week, I was able to walk the streets of London and even the kids got tired before I did. But of course pushing yourself comes back to bite you.

This week, I had 2 days out in a row. Nothing huge, but out the house generally for the majority of the afternoon and walking the whole time. I really felt like I was starting to flag yesterday. I was just so exhausted. I was in the supermarket with mum, and I literally perched on the edge of every fridge if she stopped for more than 30 seconds. By the time we got to the till, I was leaning on mums shoulder and fought against drifting off in the car.

Each month, I feel like I am fighting against getting things back on track, yet each month, I get a little worse. I dont know if its just gradual deterotion this time or the 3 courses of strong antibiotics in less than 2 weeks, but I feel so drained.

Mum and I seem to have reached that dreaded place again. Where she sees how tired I am, yet still wants me to be out as much as possible. I can see her point, the depression does get worse when I am stuck in and if I do stay in, all I do is sleep, which is kind of giving into it. But then comes that thing that is mentioned. Do you want to use your wheelchair. I of course say no instantly. I would love to sometimes, dont get me wrong. Kinda like a woman at that time of the month declining chocolate as their on a diet. But, am I at the stage where I need it? And do I really want to get into the postion where I am using it?

Plus of course, its not fair on mum. Shes old, has bad knees and lets face it, I am hardly a light bundle of feathers to push. But we are still at that impass and I have 10 days before surgery and 4 days of antibiotics left to get through.

Ack, who knows anymore.

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