Monday, January 17, 2011

Meaning of life and now 25!

I think facebook has become a danger zone for me. I have never been one of those people, who thought much about the reasoning behind things. I am not relgous in any shape or form, but I have always believed that everything happens for a reason. For a long time, I have had this feeling, that I want to do something useful in my life. Now obviously, I am not going to solve world hunger or stop domestic violence, but I just wanted to matter in some way, to leave my mark on the world somehow. This urge was never a problem when I was younger, my impact on the world, could simply have been to raise a couple kids and have a good family. At one point, I did fantasize about being frozen and bought back to life in the future. Now most people would probably be thinking, that to be in the future, was to see the changes on the world. Nope, not me. I wanted to come back at the end of the  world. I guess to see how the story ends, meh, I was/am a strange kid.

Point being? I never contemplated the meaning of life, or why any of us are here. We all have a destiny and will reach it in our own unique way. But somewhere I have picked up my own beliefs on the meaning of life. In the back of my mind, I find myself seeing old friends updating their facebook. Getting married, having kids, having fun, buying houses. At 25, I thought I would have a family and my own house, never imagined that I would reach the point where I still lived with my parents, didn’t work and didn’t get beyond a high school education.

For a while, I have been focusing on that that I cant do. On good days it dosnt bother me, but on bad days it can get me down. But this is not what the focus should be. I need to learn to focus on what I can do, and what I can achieve. I may never have kids of my own, but I can be an awesome Auntie. I can do treats and days out, I can be the shoulder to cry on and the friendly advice when needed. Sometimes, I just need to keep all this in mind.

And speaking of being 25, yesterday was my Birthday (yay.) I wanted to do something, but overall, I just didn’t have the energy and its right after Christmas so everyone is skint anyway. So instead, I took my eldest niece and my friend out to tea in a 60’s themed American Dinner.  It might have only been a couple of hours, but it was fun.

Alison didnt like me taking her picture ha.

 We had fun with the clapper board

The toilet door!

The hot dog that took up the whole table! 
 And the most yummy milkshakes ever!! I had Oreo nom nom, Alison had Strawberry, but left most of it because it smelt too much of milk haha (Well she is blonde)

Getting in the mood to a bit of Frank Sinatra 


And subsequently, I had fun on facebook, adding fun titles to the clapperboard :)

It was only a couple of hours, but it was nice, to just sit and chill out to old music and be able to natter and such.

Today, I have been pretty tired, but not too much. Breathing seems to have eased a little bit, in that I can actually sleep properly now and not wake up in agony. Might try going out tomorrow and see how it is. The oddest thing today, is that I keep getting the overwhelming urge to just cry. I dont know why, I dont feel sad or stressed. I just feel sad inside. Probably just hormones.


  1. the meaning of life thats simple tp have fun and enjoy it as mutch as you can yer i have to admit most people have settled down and are happy at 25 im 29 and i havent settled down properly back to uni like this year i might get a decent job one of these days meanwhile i just work on my blog keeps me buzy and not thinking

  2. glad you had some fun.