Monday, December 20, 2010

anyone want to buy me a time turner?

Where has time gone?
It dosnt seem that long ago that I was planning and listing for gifts to make and things that I needed to get done. Its christmas in less than a week and I still have loads to do, hence why it is nearly 3am and I am still up finishing it. I have deadlines to meet, and yet, I am struggling to just do basics.

I know my breathing was going downhill whilst in London, I had a few scary moments, packing up my stuff, when I just couldnt get enough air in and my niece had to tell me to sit, but more scary, and I guess this is something that I have not done before to notice. Ever had one of those moments that just gets to you and you laugh so much you cant stop? I had one of those, but pretty quick it got serious, I could not get the air in and I thought I would pass out. From then on, if something made me laugh, I was very careful to not give into it and instead take controlled breathes. I mean really, laughing isnt supposed to be scary!!

Because my throat has narrowed, I cant get the air out quick enough to clear the junk on my chest. This means that I have to let it build up there is more so I can force it out easier. The problem with this? If I cant get it out in one breathe, it blocks my throat. This was a joy I got to experience yesterday. Lets just say, not pleasant.

I have also noticed, that when walking, I have to breathe in harder, which means that my chest muscles hurt so damn much if I go out anywhere now. All this, to a point I can deal with. Its the things that effect me at the moment that I have no control over. The headaches from too much carbon dioxide and the struggle to actually wake up. I mentioned that my chest muscles have to work harder, well, when I am asleep, they get lazy and do the bare minimum. This means that the gas levels in my blood play up, giving me headaches and making it very difficult to wake. This morning, it took about an hour, to get from the point of opening my eyes, to actually being able to sit up.I then dozed on the couch for a long time before actually being able to do anything.

I know that I need to take it easy. Days that I do things, push myself, my breathing gets worse and its not just for that day, it stays down. Days that I take easy, my breathing tends to stay the same. But the week before Christmas who can actually take things easy? Plus Christmas is wonderful and amazing in ours and I wouldnt change it for the world, but it takes a lot of work to get it. To have 8 of us for dinner and all the trimmings, served with the special plates and silverware and too many courses to count. To have everywhere looking magical and festive, the presents wrapped and waiting, everything timed to perfection. It ouldnt be Christmas if it were any other way.

Time to get on with things.
Last week, I said that I hoped my throat would hold out till January, right now, I hope that it lasts out till after Christmas. 2 in hospital is enough!

No comments:

Post a Comment