Wednesday, November 03, 2010


I made it out for Halloween!!

I woke up and still felt rough, but no worse than I had the day before, so I rested for a while, clocks had gone back an hour so I had an extra hour to rest anyway hehe.

I started the day by sitting in the kitchen in my PJs eating a sausage sandwich and carving my Pumpkin. Mum had done sausages for breakfast but didnt want to wake me so left mine cooked in the fridge, I was able to just heat them and eat, I have this phobia thing of cooking sausages, I can never cook them right, so I avoid it at all costs. So the TV went on and I got to work on my Pumpkin. I was something I had said I wanted to do this year, as I have never ever carved one in my life. Well it came out wonderfully!!

I even added a bat in the background. Of course, me being a big kid, couldnt wait until dark to see it lit up, luckily, our downstairs bathroom dosnt have any windows in it, so I was able to balance it on top of the loo to light it up and photo it. I sent a picture to my mum, who rang me to ask where I had bought that from hehe.

So then, I began to get ready. I took it all very slow, literally, it took me about 3 hours just to get ready. My makeup didnt come out anywhere like I wanted it to and I wasnt entirely happy with my costume, but I loved my wings!! And as they say, you learn from your  mistakes for next time.

Though, I did make the mistake of getting all ready, then getting int he car and realizing that I needed petrol. Yeah, I got a fair few odd looks in the petrol station and one of the till operators had a little girl with her who was whispering to her mum to ask me if I was going out that night. It was so sweet. But I could hardly answer as my voice completely died.

This is my nieces pumpkin.

I gutted it for her, but she did all the design and carving herself.

My nephew wanted a fancy design, so we worked on his together. He wanted Sonic, so after a fair few failed attempts at drawing him, I finally managed to get one that looked ok and so we carved him out.

Later on, I was just sitting talking to my sister for a bit with a glass of wine and some music. Its ages since we had a proper chat, what with me not being able to use the phone and such so it was nice. But lately, I find that my hands need to be busy. I hate just sitting, even if its watching TV without something in my hands. So my nephews pumpkin was still sitting on the table, so I took a pen and began sketching on the back. Before I knew it I was left with this.

Its stitch! Though it looks kinda gruesome as you can see the marks of sonic n the background and so it looks like stitch has had surgery on his head. I also did hello kitty on the on the side and the disney logo on the other side, but I was just playing by then.

So it was a fun, but exhausting night.
As I said, it has been a long time since I have spent that much time with my sister, it was nice to catch up, but also in a way, she got to more so see where I am up to health wise at present. After walking up the path, she called me darth vada as she could hear me a mile off and at one point she asked how on earth I manage to sleep as I was coughing so much.

My cough did seem bad that night, but I think that was because it was warm in her living room, but the cough has still stayed to this point, so yeah.

Things are strange with my breathing. I would say that it is not to bad at the moment, considering this time frame after surgery, is when I would usually be seeing my surgeon. But then, when I think about it, it is still bad, I just think I have adjusted to it now.

When I first got the trach out, it was like wow my breathing is great and I was suddenly able to do things. Then it started to go downhill and every step down felt like a big deal. It was a huge step from feeling great to needing surgery. Now however, even the surgery dosnt leave me feeling good, so its not such a big step anymore and I in a way expect it.

I walked up the stairs earlier and mum was in her room, I was putting washing on the rail to dry, totally oblivious with my mind on other things, until I heard my mum shout something, I put my head around the door as I couldnt make out what she had shouted. Turns out she had shouted that I sounded like a steam train and the fact that she could hear that through a closed over door.

So I dont know. I think perhaps, my breathing is now, at the stage I was at with the trach, minus the horrible bits that go with the trach. I guess I will find out more next week hopefully. It just gets annoying as there is so much that I want to be doing and getting on with my life. The things my friends are doing, working, house buying, having relationships, having fun. I will get there one day, I know I will, for now, I just need to pace myself. I can still do most things, I just have to do them slower than I would like.

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