Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Back and Forth

I have been putting off writting this entry, not because it is all bad news, but more so because I wanted to get things straight in my own head first, to know where I stand so to speak. I have been trying to do this since I saw the surgeons on Monday, but truth be told, I cant figure it out and right now, I lack the energy needed to find more.

Monday was exhausting, there really is no other word to describe it. I had left my bag at my sisters last week, which had things like my travel pass in it, so I needed to meet her before I went to London, that coupled with train times and stupid bridge traffic (Anyone who knows Runcorn bridge will know exactly what I am talking about here) meant that I had to be up by 7am. Mum shouted me several times, which I did not hear, so I was running late by the time I got up.

For some reason, once I was up, I was filled with nausea, maybe it was the whole getting going thing, I dont know, but I couldnt eat or drink due to being on the theatre list, so consuming sugar or putting a lining in my stomach like I would normally do, was not an option. So, this saw, mum driving the car down the motorway, whilst I sat in the passenger seat throwing up. Yeah, nice.

First class seats had been cheaper than standard traveling, so we were in first class, normally a good thing, however, they were serving breakfast. The smell of coffee, orange juice and bacon soon filled the train. Usually a good thing, but with my stomach, it just began turning again. Eventually, I curled up and put my head on the table. Surrounded by business people on laptop, I slept with my head on the table.

Anyway, got to the hospital without any further drama, but I was on a differnt ward from normal, except nobody in the hospital seemed to know where the ward was. We asked 4 different people who gave us 4 differnt answers, but we eventually got there.

Filled in all the usual paper work, with some queries to if  was well enough for theatre. My pulse was a bit high at 128 and my blood pressure has once again risen to 180/110. Got the OK from that, then mentioned about having been on a couple of courses of anti biotics, which had to then get the surgeons clearence to go through with the procedure.

Theatre went without a problem, waking up was pretty terrible. I felt like I was literally just starting to wake up and they were asking if I were ready for something to eat. At that point, I dont think I could even coordinate my hands. They said, come on then, lets sit you around the corner in the chair, as I got off the bed, I felt drunk, it took a great deal of concentration to put one foot in front of the other. As soon as I got to the chair, I curled up in a little shivering ball, grabbing my hoody off my mum. She even commented that my hands were like ice and I could barley string a sentence together. The nurse is suddenly giving me water and food and telling me I could get dressed when I was ready. I went to the bathroom and did my jeans whilst I was there. Got mum to fasten my bra for me (which if you know me, you know this is odd as I am very independent) and then she did my shoes and socks too.

Then I saw the surgeon. I asked how much it was blocked and he said, not much, only about 40%. Well to me that is still a fair amount. Last time I asked they said they removed about 2.5 cm so I dont know. I asked him also if my trachea is of normal size, to which he went all around the houses with his answer not really giving me a full answer. He started saying about how his trachea is bigger as he is a male and such, which I already knew that. He then said, that he wants to see me again in 3 weeks for the same procedure, but this time he wants the big boss surgeon to be there. Apparently, below my larynx, looks very red and inflamed and they can not work out why it would be like that.

Its kinda strange on its own, as before I went through the reconstruction, when I had the trach, I was having the same problem, hence why I had to have all the icky swallowing assessments, which showed things were normal.

I also spoke to one of the anesthetists, who had commented about how strained my voice sounded so he thought I was very blocked off. When I later said to him, that they said there wasnt much, his reply was, there dosnt need to be much. If you imagine a river, that suddenly narrows but the same amount of water has to go through, you get all kinds of problems, such as tides and curls and such, the airway is the same, the air kinda gets stuck, whilst it tries to fit through.

So where does all this leave me? I have no idea. Waiting I guess, until the next admission. The big surgeon is very down to earth and will give me real answers. Hopefully he will have some. In the mean time, I need to work on getting over this exhaustion. It just feels that every time I build myself up, I go back in and have to begin again.

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