Good Day / Bad Day

The cycle of good day, bad day continues.

Yesterday I explored again! I went all the way to the front and saw the fish properly as the place wasnt full of cigarette smoke. The fish are huge and a couple of them are like a real gold color, not that silly orange color of a gold fish. I was with Cam at the time and her theory on it, is that they have been eating the coins from the bottom of the pond and so have changed color.

Cam and I sat in the costa shop for a while and then went on a wander to find the 'other' restaurant. It was tiring, but not to bad. I did have a few episodes where my breathing was a little to labored for my liking, at one point sitting on the window sill to catch my breath. I got back up to the ward and though I felt tired, I didnt feel to drained.

After a long rest, I later showed my mum the way to the restaurant as she was going to see if they had anything for her tea to save her cooking, but it was shut.

Slept well last night, though woke a fair few times coughing my head off. I must seriously only half wake up at these points as I am always surprised at the pile of tissues I wake to the next morning.

But this morning, things are starting to get a little worrisome again. I dont want to cause a fuss and I dont want to ask the same questions over and over again, nor do I want to be caught asking one doctor a question that I have asked another doctor incase they think I am going behind their back or not trusting them or something. But (yes Cam) I think I am going to have to starting making some noise about this now, I am pretty sure it is developing into a problem.

It appears that my trach tube has begun migrating upwards. I have marks on my chest where it used to be stitched to, but they are far far away from the tubes current location. A couple of days ago I noticed that there was what appeared to be a hole under the tube, as if its had kinda been stretched. I told a doctor about it and he had a look and said oh its fine and nothing to worry about. But it is getting bigger and more so I think it is causing more issues now.

The hole is so big now, that you can just see it very clearly, without my even lifting my head. If I shine a light in  it, I can see the trach tube inside my throat.

I have a few worries about this. The first one is that the hole is going to get to the size where the tube just kinda, falls out as there is nothing there to hold it into place. This could potentially be very dangerous and I have no idea how they would go about fixing it or anything I can do to help the situation at this point.

The other worry, is that if the tube is moving upward, its going to be putting pressure on the stent and therefore the graft. I am sure I dont need to explain that one. I can feel something at the back of my throat. Kinda like when something gets stuck in your throat. And my mind is playing tricks on me telling me it could be something serious. I am pretty sure its not, its more likely to be something I have eaten.

This is all picking at my brain. But doctors still say its normal or you need to wait until Monday and see a specilaist doctor.

I also tried going for a wander today, but my breathing was fighting back and saying no. I didnt get very far and where I did get I spent most of the time coughing.

On another note, some people really annoy me.

Yesterday, a lady was moved into the bed next to mine. She had been to theatre to have a tumor removed from inside her nose. I felt really sorry for her as it must be a horrible place to have cancer and cancer is a terrible thing at the best of times. But then she started complaining that she would have to rearrange her holiday or she might ask her consultant if they can rearrange her radiotherapy so that she gets the holiday. OK to a point, I can see this, missing holidays because your ill does suck. But then she kept vanishing off the ward.

It wasnt until this morning, that I realized that she wasnt going for coffee, she was going for a smoke. So she has this illness that she has caused herself by smoking and she is considering not finishing treatment so she can go on holiday. Makes you wonder why they bother going through the hell of surgery if you are not going to do anything long or short term to help yourself. Its so annoying.