Monday, June 07, 2010

exhaustion

I am so tired right now. I know I say that a lot but I kind of have two levels of tiredness. There is the normal tiredness that I expect (but not accept) that comes from the meds, breathing probs, coughing and liver. They say you never have normal energy levels after a liver transplant. But I have adjusted to that. I know that I can't do the whole partying all night working all day thing. And then there is the real exhaustion. The one where I wake up and feel like I have been awake for at least a week. I feel to drained to do anything but stare into space. I nap, but it's never e refreshing nap. It last 3+ hours and takes near another hour to wake up from. This exhaustion I have experinced more in the last few months than I have since my transplant. It now puts me on edge when it happens. In the last couple of months it has indicated that my body was trying to fight something. The timing is wrong. I can't afford an infection right now. Hotels and trains are booked for London. I can't afford to get sick now. So far my temp has been stable and I have clinic tomorrow anyway so I may mention it. Maybe some bloods to check my infection indicators would help. In other news. I found out that my neighbour has just been diagnosed with lung cancer. The worst thing is that he is almost the same age as me. I think he is 6 months younger than me and he didn't smoke. There is talk about removing one lung and doing intensive chemo. But it depends if they find more in his lymph nodes and such. I have never spoken to him, but something in me wants me to go over and talk to him. Kinda share experinced and stuff with him so he does not feel alone. But then I think if it were me I would not want people doing that to me. If I am to talk to someone I would rather know them for who they are not what they have been through. So fingers crossed for him the next couple of weeks.

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