Sunday, May 09, 2010

More moaning.

Sorry for the amount of posts latley. I guess I ramble when I worry, plus it means I have a fairly accurate record of when things have happened.

Today, I still feel exhausted. I went shopping with mum and came back and slept on the sofa. Had some food and went for a nap which turned into a 3.5 hours sleep. I cant be doing with all this sleep, I have too much to do.

So this morning, I decided to skip my morning dose of quinetipine. And I am not going to restart unless I have to. And yeah yeah I know I should consult a doctor first blah. Im not as stable as I would like to be stopping the med, but I am a million times better than I was when put on it. If things start to slide I will start taking it again, but right now I dont feel too much of a danger so I can manage this.

My chest symptoms are still going. Choked a couple of times today and had massive coughing fits. I have take to walking around with a couple of ampoules of regular saline in my pocket. I can put that directly down if I choke to brake things up. Then I can keep the hypertonic for the neb as I cant put that straight down.

I have gone from using perhaps 3 trach inner tubes in 24 hours, to using 8 at the moment. When you walking and realise you cant breathe in enough and your panting, you feel dizzy and nauseous from lack of oxygen. And then you take the inner tube out to change and take a deep breath in. Your lungs fill with sweet sweet oxygen and its the nicest and best feeling in the world.

But this is still worrisome. The tube I just changed, wasnt blocked in the normal manner. It was coated in blood and had clots stuck in it. I am down playing it at the moment. Perhaps its just the increased nebs and suction. I only suction before I go to bed, to help me sleep through, so its like 24 hours since I have, but hopefully it will settle over night. But then of course my mind jumps to, well if its problems with clots, maybe the liver is acting up, but then common sense kicks in that I only had liver tests on friday so there can't be anything wrong there. My temp slightly peaked earlier but it was only 37.6 so Im not overly worried and its back to normal.

I just dont know which way to deal with this. Do I push on and get on with the stuff I need to get down and just keep telling myself that I can relax once I am away. Or does that run the risk of making me more ill. In which case do I rest as much as I can. But if I tell mum that I am not feeling so great, I know that she will turn it around and say that I am only exaggerating or making it up to get out of helping. urgh.

*sigh* Lets play it day by day. Do what I have to do and try to rest in between. If it gets worse between now and monday, then monday I can make a doctors appointment, or worst case scanario, I can email my surgeon. owh, I just rememebred he is off now till I go away. He might still check his email though, but that would be like wrong and such. Im sure his reg would check me over if needs must. But its not going to come to that!

oh god just please dont let me take ill while I'm on holiday. Foreign hospitals suck when they dont speak english and I dont speak their language, or eat their food. Plus getting ill now could potentially delay my assessment in London.

ok, im over thinking things now. Things are going to be fine. Lets just be super hygienic, and wear filters al the time (urgh) and everything will get back to normal.


  1. I hope it's nothing serious and have a great time on vacation.