Monday, May 10, 2010

Getting their monkey

So on the positive, I am feeling a little better today. I awoke about 10:30 (which is early for me) and I have not napped through the day. I dont know where half the day has gone if I am honest. Did some washing ready for my hols, but had hoped to have my bag packed by now (oh well) instead I have a huge big pile on my bed of things I want to take. (But I might rant some more about that tomorrow. lucky readers huh)

Im still chocking off and on, but generally Im coughing more muck up which has got to be a good start and my temp has stayed stable all day.

I did have a coughing fit before (I have had a fair few today, but this one sticks in my mind.) My dad was napping in the chair in the corner. I started coughing and spluttering and mum knocks me on the arm, gives me a glare to kill, and tells me to shut up as dad is sleeping. Well excuse me for breathing! As horrible as it sounds I hope one day she ends up needing a trachy for some reasons just so she can see what it is like. Its not like normal coughing, you cant shut your mouth and make it quiet, you cant do little coughs as it will just block up the tube and you cant hold it in as it restricts your intake.

I do hate having a trach, but I have had to adjust to it. However, I think mum hasnt yet. Which is kind of annoying. oh unless, we are out and someone mentions something and then she is all 'oww poor her blah blah' as she like the attention, which annoys the hell out of me, as I dont tell people things (I still have the whole I want to be treated normal thing going on) *sigh*

Anyway, this evening, I went with a friend to see Dear John. It was sad in places, predictable in others. The bit that got me the most, wasnt even a sad bit. The song Paperweights by Joshua Radient was playing in the background a couple of times and all I could see was Eva's smiling face from the video she made with the same song on. Its nice to be able to think back and reflect on her being happy, kinda gives you hope you know. I do miss her, but she will always live on through the people who remember her and those whose lives she touched.

Oh and i had another cough/chocking fit, while I was paying in the cinemas, which wasnt fun. I was using my disabled card, so I kinda had to be present as they need to check I match the pic and such. So I just kinda had to turn my back on everyone and face the corner, while making some odd noises.

I am nervous as hell for tomorrow. The nurses are coming out to the house to change my trach tube. This will be the first time it has been changed outside of hospital. Im nervous incase there are any problems with it going wrong and such. But I should trust the nurses, that it is going to be fine. (I hope)

On that note, I should get some sleep as I have a lot to do tomorrow.

(Oh and someone commented on a lot of my entries today, but I cant seem to click into their profile, so sorry if it seems like I am being rude or anything, I dont mean to)

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