Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Not how I planned, yet still so good.

Life is what you make of it and smooth sailing never made a skilful sailor.

Things are awesome at the minute, but that's not to say that they are going to plan.

For so long I have dreamed of owning my own place and now finally I do. I dreamt of shopping for the perfect furniture, of laughing and joking whilst putting it al together. Watching my mark take shape every day whilst finding the perfect finishing pieces.

Instead I have be designing from my bed in hospital buying and building between IVs and time away from the ward. There isn't a constant stream of energy, instead its been a matter of doing as much as I can during short periods whilst trying to rest and regain energy in between.

It has been exhausting. Sitting still for more than a few minutes, causes me to fall asleep. More often than not so deeply asleep that people struggle to wake me. I can fully say that it has been hard work, but anything worth doing is going to be hard.

It may not be how I planned it, but at least it is happening and for that I am truly grateful.

I'm actually currently in London ready for surgery tomorrow. Nothing to major, but to say that I fear tomorrow would be a truth. Not due to the surgery, but due to the answers.

Breathing is hard work. My surgeon on a recent scope said that I had trachieetis, which is inflammation and infection of the trachea. This would explain the difficulty in breathing. So after 2 weeks of iv meds, it should have cleared, but breathing is still hard.

I'm colonoside with a certain bacteria, which means that it will prob always be in my chest now, but the inflammation should have gone down.

That said, if the trachitis is still there then it maybe chronic and yet another thing to work around. However it may also mean that the scar tissue is building up at the base, which will leave me screwed.

I guess tomorrow I will known more. And as much as I fear it, I refuse to have my life controlled by fear. So I'm holding my head up high and being super proud of myself for getting to wherebi am now.

The work will be worth it.

No comments:

Post a Comment