Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Move on

I am still in. I am actually kinda enjoying the rest that comes with being in at the minute. Being able to sit still for long periods without having to be doing things. Sleeping isnt great, I have to be awake early for them to set my meds up and then they like to continually wake you up throughout the morning for things like breakfast, meds, ordering tea, physio, all the fun stuff. So I am still pretty whacked out.

Today I have a new cannula. They are actually behaving pretty well, in that they are lasting a couple of doses at a time, which is great.
I usually try to be as compliant as I can while I am in the hospital. Doing all my treatments and such, but I try to fit them into the morning. Then after my afternoon IV meds, I go home for a couple of hours. I live close to the hospital and have been loving the walk to and from each day. The leaves crisp under foot, the chill in the air that allows me to breathe and just the chance to clear my mind.

Yesterday, i thought that the doctor rounds were in the afternoon, and so i went out in the morning.  Ended up getting back late and missed all the doctors who came to see me, including the one about putting a port in for me. oops. So got to sit tight and wait on that one now. Also got to try and work it with the night staff on Thursday night to let me come back to the ward at a ridcolously late time as I am meant to be going to the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn in the cinemas. Hopefully that will work out.

I am trying not to be too hard on myself. It has been a difficult couple of weeks and I dont think I have given it much thought. There was the whole oo I might go to sixth form, but was then in hopital and couldnt make it to the first few sessions so put that on hold, there was the whole, oh my airway is now scaring even more and now has collapsed. The loss of my voice, the being sick whilst away and then the can i cant I make it on holiday dilemma  that still has me wound up. Its like it is a constant battle with my health sometimes, but most of all, I dont want to lose sight of who I am. However, each blow feels like a set back and each time it takes me a while to get over the setback and move on.

I now have a plan for moving on. It is in its very early days as in, I am only just researching. I am considering doing a distant learning course. Now part of the good bit I was hoping with going back to college was the social side, I wouldnt get that with an open learning course. However, I would still get the focus and achievement. I am thinking of studying for A level Biology. I have the money saved that was for my holiday, so that would be how I would finance it. It would mean if I were unwell one week, it wouldnt matter to much.

So why biology. Well, I still have that conversation with the doctor stuck in my head when he said I should train to be one. If i got my A level biology and then A level chemistry  I would be all set to apply to uni. Ok there is no way I could do uni at the minute, but by the time I got both qualifications, I am hoping I would be feeling better and able to breathe. Its still just a thought, but even if I never made it to uni, the biology would be helpful. I have been doing a little more work on the site I started in relation to airway problems. I have been trying to do one piece of work a day for it. I havnt managed it every day as things get in the way such as side effects from the IV meds and just not feeling up to it. But it is all progress and as sad as it may sound, I feel a sense of pride with it. Kinda a ner ner look what I can still do. Time will tell I guess.

So yep, that is what is running through my mind at present. That and many other things like stress of builders and not knowing what I can do to help with a home situation, but thats a whole other story.

And now my wrist is hurting so I shall take that as s sign to stop typing before I ruin another cannula.

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