grouch

I know an update is due after having been to london and such, but right now, my brain is telling me to stop, that I need something other than the same old drone on here.

I am thinking of doing an update, a sort, how i got here and where I am headed type of thing. Though, I dont want it all to be woe is me type stuff. So I may take some time to get into writing that. Though it does raise lots of issues, such as changing names. In some ways, it dosnt bother me one way or the other, but I have had issues in the past and know that some of the people featured in it are aware of this blog, do read this blog and do try to make contact in the sneakiest of ways. In the past I have had the determination to say, this is my area, and I wont change it. However, right now, I could do without the stress.

This week has not been as nice as I hoped it would be. I have spent time with my niece, but found myself in horrible moods most of the time and snapping at her more than hugging her. She is very clingy at the moment and I literally cant go to the bathroom without her following me. As someone who is used to her own space, it irks me. But, I tend to isolate myself when dealing with things and being unable to do that, had just turned me into a big grumpy old bear.

Now I have some space, I can get on with sorting my head out.

and then I have plans to make. I have said all year that I was going to go to the Christmas markets in europe again this year as I had so much fun last year. But in truth, I am not sure if I feel upto it this year. Its a big step. Last year was, hard, but my breathing was better and I didnt have the trach. But I went for it last year as there were no gaurntees that I would be able to do it in the following years.

I also have one major thing on my list of things I want to do, and that is to see the northern lights. I am thinking of planning something like that. But again, you have to be in cold places and will my body keep up. But then, it is such an amazing thing. I think I am really going to look into it. I dont know if I will do the market one as well the northern lights or if it will be one or the other. Have to see how money goes really.

There is so much I want to do and see and feel and touch, I just have to pace myself. I will get there in the end.

And for now, sleep is needed.