Breathing is totally under rated.

I feel amazing! I just wanted to put that out there really.

I am home. It went as expected, in that I was discharged from one ward whilst I continue to wait for a bed on another ward.

But in theatre, they basically moved the crap that was blocking my airway. My airway was still a little tight and so the new trach that we wanted to get in, wouldnt go. They knocked me out in the end, to force the muscles in my neck to relax and so that they could force the tube in. Its a little on the painful side, but the good bit, being, that the tube is in and its a whole 4mm longer than my other tube. This means that it bypasses where the scaring keeps building up. Dont get me wrong, I am not under any illusions that it will last forever, but if it holds out like the last one, I should get at least 4 months before it begins to tighten. And its saturday now, I went to theatre on Wednesday and the pain is lessening already. I have only needed 2 doses of morphine today so yay.

Its silly how you adjust though. To run up the stairs for something, get the top and think, hmm I am still breathing. To sleep of a night and wake up feeling like I have slept, not to mention, not waking every hour to unblock my airway. Its like I am suddenly a million times better.

Which now means that running through my head, is the question, should I go away? On one hand it makes sense to, I can breathe so well at present and I still really want to go.

But on the flip side, I still keep getting sick. My body is still trying to kick up a fuss about something and coughing fits still involve me losing my stomach contents.

I think mum shed the best light on it earlier. She said to me, last year when you went away on your own, you were 100% sure you could do it, you were well and everything was staying within set limits. This year, there is doubt and part of me wonders if I could manage it all on my own. Not to mention, would I enjoy it, if I was constantly monitoring the situation. I know she is right, that it is the best option to leave it for now. But part of me still whispers, make the days count.

I have a good feeling about the next op, so perhaps, I can say, well if I wait, by next year I may be able to do it, with fixed breathing. Plus, it kinda scared me seeing my inability to cope with being ill last week. I knew I needed treatment, but the mere mention of going through A&E and the possibility of spending time on the assement unit in my big hospital, was enough to reduce me to tears. I am not normally like that. I normally grin and bear things and make the most and get on, not cry and want to scream.

So, the plan now, to try and get these damn IVs sorted and see if that stops the sickness and coughing. As soon as they are done, I will book myself into London for a rib cartilage harvest. I need the IVs first really. I know coughing becomes difficult and painful once they have been playing with my ribs and so, it would not be a good idea to go through that, whilst my lungs are still full of crud. So Monday, if no phone call, I may need to get on the phone and kick some butt again.

ohohoh, but now, I might not need any more hospital! I totally bought my own surgeon! Complete with a huge syringe and an xray. Im sure he can give me some new bricks or something.