Wednesday, May 02, 2012


I can be positive and I can cope and I can get on with things.
But, somedays, it all becomes to much.
And I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs to just leave me alone.
That the fun is gone out of things when it all has to be such a battle.

I want to take my niece on a memorable holiday, incase anything happens.
But, its more complex than that, I instead have to apply for the right to enter America.
Because of a stupid conviction that wasnt my fault years ago.

I want car insurance, I can get it, for the same reason.

I feel like crap.
I have two major infections in my chest.
And I cant find anybody to help me.

I feel like I am screaming, but nobody looks up or notices.

Every let down, every operation, every infection, all remind me of the mistakes i made at 16.
Have I not paid for them yet?
Do I still not deserve a break.
I am thankful that I am still alive, but sometimes, sometimes, it does cross my mind, of was it worth it?
Was the joy worth the pain?

Please world, just give me a break, I have had enough.


  1. That pic broke my heart. You have more than paid for what happened...what was done TO you.
    Just *cuddles* kimbalum, always.

  2. Kim, sorry I haven't been around lately, but under the circumstances I'm sure you understand.
    I'm so sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now. I think of you often and I thank you for all your well wishes. I haven't spent a lot of time online and have just barely started reading blogs again. I hardly write at all, so know that you are in my heart and prayers.
    For all times and seasons, Beaux.