Wednesday, May 30, 2012

bad day

The sun has started to go today and with it so has my energy.
Last night, I slept badly. Coughing waking me up frequently, half alert, hoping for my phone to go to tell me they have a bed for me. Yup, I am still waiting for the hospital to have room to fit me in for treatment.

I knew it was going to be a bad day from the time I woke up. I guess coughing a load of blood out of your lungs at 8am, will give you that feeling. I got up and moved about for a short while, hoping to ease the pain in my muscles from coughing, but by mid morning, I had fallen asleep on the couch. Mum made dinner, I picked at it, which is unusual. And then I gave up. I couldnt stay awake, I had no energy to move, so I went back to bed, hoping that an hours rest would liven me up.

I fell asleep upright, because it was to much effort after climbing the stairs, to move my pillows. I awoke 5 hours later, feeling no better for having had the sleep. So today has been a wasted day, of sleeping and doing nothing of importance. I hate days like this, they leave me feeling old and useless. They leave me wanting to scream at the world. I am still positive, I am still happy, but I find myself day dreaming of times when things maybe easier.

I have an order of cards to make. And right now, I dont have the energy to put in for a good job. But, I am making myself, when I can work on them. Because being active helps, And its nice to sit at my desk and play with pretty paper sometimes.

I just wish that the hospital could find me a bed. The hospital I go to is a specialist hospital, they dont have an A&E, but because it is specialist the care is excellent. If I really cant stay at home and need treatment quicker than they can give me, then it means going to the big hospital in the city centre. And whilst that may help, I have never managed to recieve treatment in there without being pushed to the limit of crazy.

The big hospital is unclean, I dont trust them, to the point, that the last few times I have been in there, I keep a bag with bleach spray and wipes in, to clean my room and bathroom everytime I use them. I always come out with more bugs than I go in with and the staff are generally lazy. My IV will break and it will take 2 days before they get someone to fix it, where as the specialist hospital its done within an hour or so.

It sounds like I am complaining, believe me I am not, I know I am lucky to have so much choice in health care, but right now, I just cant face the added stress of the other hospital, so I shall wait it out for my good hospital. I just hope that it is sooner rather than later, as the waiting is getting harder.


  1. O I so feel for you . . . Really, I'm gonna pray my hardest tonight that they will have a bed for you. You shouldn't have to risk your health in an unclean "general" hospital, or be there cleaning your room and bathroom.
    I can't imagine how hard this must be, or how you manage to stay positive and happy, or even contemplate art work when you're so tired and poorly.
    Thanks for taking the time to comment at mine after such a tiring day.
    I'm off to bed now, but I will pray that some sunshine comes back into your life . . . If not in the form of actual Sun, in the form of a hospital bed at the "good" hospital and a decent night's sleep.
    Take care x

  2. Hi Kim

    First, i am really sorry that you are so poorly, i just can't imagine what you are going through at the moment and it is so very hard to stay positive when you feel so low, i do hope the sun comes out again for you in more ways than one........ so thankyou for taking the time to look at my blog and following it means a lot to me x
    Take care of your self
    Sacha xx