Reality sinks in

Today, my heart is heavy.
I want to say, it has been one of those days that I never want to do again.
Of course, I have said that in the past and can now clearly say, that it dosnt get easier.

Today, I moved all my trach stuff back into my room.
This is when the reality sinks in. When the stack of machines at my bed sides grows yet again.
My nebuliser, my humdifer and my suction.
Each machine with its own prupose of keeping me well.
On top of this, the boxes of dressings, tubes, ties, valves, creams, caps and wipes.
My room once again no longer resembles a bed room, but more so a clinical area.

I know there must be a reason for this journey
and I hope that this isnt the end.
I have met some amazing people and achieved so much.

But tonight, as the tears quietly drip down my cheek I am allowing myself to be sad.
I am allowing myself to mourn the life I had hoped to have by now.
Tomorrow is a new day and new days bring new oppertunities.