I miss being in that category of average. Instead I seem doom to follow the paternity of one extreme to the next. Going from sleeping far too much, to hardly any.
Things have luckily never gotten as bad as they did a few years ago, where no matter what i did, i could not sleep for more than a few hours each night.
I hate not sleeping. My Head goes into overdrive and that is when i begin to imagine things.
Tonight seems to be one of those nights. And on these nights, my mind reflects on all it knows, from experience, and snippets of conversations draw together.
The last couple of days have been different from usual. From feeling independent and getting out, to making an effort and looking well.
But coupled to that is fragments of conversation, snippets from behind the wall.
From knowing someone avoids me as they don't know what to say, to hearing my parents talk openly about how it feels when faced with losing a child. Faced with that picture in my mind of how things should be.
Frustration, at feeling exhausted, yet feeling like sleep is a million miles away.
I know I'm safe, i just need my body to take note of that.
Everynight I stay up, waiting for my mind to settle. I keep busy till I am sure I am about to drift off, then I sleep.
Of course, I regretted that every morning when my alarm goes off.