Tuesday, January 10, 2012


I still stand by my last post, but the last couple of days have really tested those feelings.
I awoke yesterday with the worst migraine I have ever had. I went from being fine to not being able to open my eyes within 5 minutes. Dark and quiet on a hospital ward is impossible. I took the painkillers, blocked my ears and burried my head under the pillow. Doctors came for ward rounds and I particpated with my hands over my eyes, only opening when I had to. After more meds and drifting in out of sleep, I was thankful that the docs had given me plenty of nausea meds, the thought of retching, while my neck was still held by staples terrfied me. 

By mid afternoon, I began to lose the pain yet still felt rough. I ventured out for tea as my parents were visiting, but I didnt cope very well with it and spent most of the time trying not to pass out. Both perantels noticed that my breathing was worsening, which says something, but I kept hoping to put it down to having not moved as much in the morning. I doubled up on all my nebs before snuggling up in bed.

I actully had a great night. There is something to be said for sharing a bay with 3 like minded people, all 3 of you wrapped in blankets, sipping hot chocolate and just having a good old joke. I laughed so hard. They were amazing people, same mind set, all been through hell, yet able to smile and yell whats next world.

So they decided today, I will be going back to surgery next week to get the stent out, so it was upto me, if I wanted to wait in the hospital or go home till then. I opted for home. I think that choice maybe harder than first thought.

So tired. I went up the stairs too quick when I got home without thinking. My sats dropped to the low 80's, but I found myself curled up in the fetal postion on my bed. It felt like I had a knife going through my heart. The pain was agony. I must remember to slow down.

Its so differnt getting my head around this. Usually after a big op, I have the whole adjustment of a trach to add in and it takes me about 2 weeks to begin to feel human again. This time I had a mini trach that was taken out after 24 hours. There was no adjustment and by 4 days post op, I was itching to get out and could not understand why I was still on the ward. I felt great and I felt more like I had had laser than a big op. It wasnt until I began to feel rough again, that the nurses kept reminding me that it was normal to feel rough, I had just had major surgery and a spell in ICU. I was taking to much for granted.

So I am home, and I need to keep reminding myself to slow down, to rest and to try not to let this fear get the better of me. Its ok for things to be hard now, it dosnt mean things have not worked, when the stent is out, things may get better. I am not going to have the same issues with this stent as I had with my last stent. Its less than a week, in less than a week, I will be safe again. I can do this. It is so worth it.

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