evolving

I feel like I am going through so many stages of life suddenly that my thought patterns are so visible.

When in uni learning the whole psychology babble stuff, I came to the conclusion that because of the time when I was ill, I had missed a big development stage, everything seemed to add up, like I were stuck and could not move out of my teenage mind set. But perhaps now i am catching up. Its just odd as sometimes I can literally stop in my tracks and my whole vie changes.

The last year family wise has been stressful to say the least. My older niece and nephew fell out with their mum and subsequently with my mum and me. My sister has now fallen out with my mum. Within the next couple of months she is moving about 90 mins drive away to live with her new boating. The (I'm not bitter meh) so anyway. My youngest niece is no longer a bus journey away, nor sone place I will ever drive past. She is not happy about moving but that's a whole other heartbreaking storey.

So where most Christmas are chaotic in ours, we had nearly 15 for lunch one day, but over the last few years have averaged on 9, this year there will be 3.

Now this I am bitter about. Christmas is a huge family deal in our house and it just feels like my sis has run away to what seems a better offer to her. I know its more complex than that but Meh.

So my mindset was stuck in bitter. Stuck thinking, I hope it falls flat, i hope she misses us and such. And that my niece misses our traditions and sulks. Not a thought I'm proud of. But then my mind switched. Instead, i hope my niece has a great Christmas. Here things wouldn't have been the same anyway. But what she deserves is fun, love and family. If she is miles away and with different people, then who cares, as long as it works for her.

I do hope more than anything that it works out. Maybe it's not running away. Maybe a ready made life and prebuilt family are just what they need. That my sis and niece will find what they need up there.

I will still always be her auntie and she will always know where to find me i hope. At this point all I can do is be supportive even if I don't agree. And this is where I feel my mind evolving.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.4