Yet this evening I have begun to feel a little better.
My chest does not feel as weighted.
My heart not pounding in my head.
Perhaps a new start.
And sleep shall help.
I cant help but feel tonight as if the tides are changing.
Perhaps, previous news is sinking in and I am coming to accept.
I know I run that way. That any news makes me feel crap and then after a short while, my attitude towards it changes. I need this change, I need a new injection of positivity.
And this feels like it may be a good one.
That I have ridden out the storm without too much damage and now I can have some plain sailing.
I need some plans putting into place.
Some new ideas on living.
I still want to explore the past.
I feel the need to know more about where I have come from.
I still want to read the diary my mum kept while I was in ICU.
I have searched for it and can not find it.
So it must be in the loft, but I have had not had the energy to clamber up there as of yet.
I have been thinking back about my transplant too.
I think that I want to know more.
At the time I didnt want to know anything about the donor, but I think perhaps I do now.
I dont even know if it is possible to find out after so long.
Nor how I would go about it.
Its also something that I am not going to rush into.
I want to roll it around my mind a lot more first.
I think perhaps its time for a blog update too.
Perhaps a new blog or blog title.
What do you think.
I want to find my own way to make my mark on the world.
I want to find my own path and have it be an interesting path.
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
And life is what you make it
And I want to make mine great.
I have the power to do that.
I can break through these damn moods and I can do amazing things.