Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Love and Green light

So, after much doubt, I have been given the go ahead for surgery today!!

Yesterday was spent working the hardest I think I have ever worked on my body. It involved lots of fluids and rest. I slept for huge chunks of times, 4 hours at a time. Awakening for maybe two hours in-between. During sleep, I had my humidifier on and up as high as I could stand. When I was awake, I ran nebs continually, alternating between hypertonic and regular saline. I used the hypertonic more than I would normal like, as my throat is still a little raw for it. Physio exercises, and lots of coughing was involved. I was exhausted, but still got up through the night to run nebs.

And it paid off. Im not infection free, not by a long way, but my temp has gone back to where it should be, my pulse, although is still a little high, has come down again. My chest is clear and so I have been given the OK for theatre.

So, im washed and gowned and all ready.

Now the nerves settle in. Will it work? I know there is a risk that I will wake with another trach tube in. I hope I dont, but I have to be prepared for it. There is a chance that the tube will permeant, there is a chance I will get worse before better and there is a huge chance, that things will be just the same as they have for the last year.

But, the hope is there. The hope for better days, for things to work. My doctors are one step ahead all the time. Always new ideas there. They want me to live and I have a lot to fight for right now.

If it does not work, it will mean more surgeries, possibly much more scarier than the past ones, but I have not reached that bridge just yet. Right now, we hope this goes well. I have complete trust in my team.

And I have something to look forward to. My two nieces are coming to visit me. Yup, one is 18 and one is 11 and they are getting the train down for a few days to come see me. Im excited. In fact I am overwhelmed that they would travel so far at such expense just to visit. I am just speechless on the whole thing.

They say home is where you familiy is, so whilst I am stuck so far away from my physical home, having family here brings home to here. My parents did a surprise visit over the weekend too and my friend is still visting all the time.

Being ill frequently is a horrible thing, but, there are good sides. My family are not big on the act of showing love, but the little things when I am sick, prove to me just how much Love there is. There are a lot of people who would not be ok if I were not here and so I fight for them and I fight for the hope of better days.


  1. *fingers tightly crossed for you, Kim.
    let us know when you can.
    Thinking and hoping for you.
    much, much love

  2. I don't understand a lot of what you said, but I have you in mind. Take care Kim.