Friday, April 08, 2011
I have been struggling to come to terms with some new adjustments the last week or so. Its been a messy complicated time. I really have no other words to describe it. Today, I was due news regarding it and hoped for the best, thinking it wouldnt really change the outcome much. But it has. Thought I should get this down in my blog, before the real storm hits and it overcomes me once again.
Just over two weeks ago, my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, she has been off work and on sleeping tablets. I will admit it now, my first reaction was the one that I try to have with everything, to be hopeful and I said that to her, its not a death a sentence. Sure there will be surgery and radio therapy for a few weeks, but once that is done with, there is a good chance to go on without any other problems.
Then I started to get angry with her. She has always brought me to deal with things, to carry on as normal for as long as you can as getting out of routine makes things worse and gives you more time to think about think about everything. And here she was doing the opposite. What was making me more irritated, was that she seemed to think that because she was off work, we could do all kinds, like clean the house top to bottom and spend long periods of time out of the house. Regardless of her situation I wasnt up to that.
Today, we have just found out that the cancer is stage 3. She needs fairly urgent surgery and it will probably be a full mastectomy. She will also need Chemo and more than likely Radiotherapy as well.
I had hoped so much that it wasnt going to be this advanced. From what I recall from my studying, the survival rate for stage 3 was something like 50%. She will lose her hair, she will be sick constantly, she will pick up tons of bugs.
Its a lot to take in. I know right now that she needs me to be strong. I need to be able to take her for treatments and look after her when she is home. I have no problem with becoming her career, but am I physically able to do it? I need to arrange London around it. They are going to try and fit me in for a laser in 2 weeks time as I am struggling now, major headaches and difficulty waking up and weak muscles. They want to admit me for my big op at the second week in May. I think I am going to ask them to put it off for a couple of months. To just keep going with the laser for a while. That way, I can manage it in day cases and get back home to my mum.
We shall see I guess.