Emerging

I feel like I am emerging from a cave.
There seemed to be a ton of bad news on top of my bad mood all at once and I admit, I struggled to cope with it.
I wanted to hide away, not speak to anyone, not see anyone. And I did for a while.
I went back to some pretty unhealthy coping stragies, which although I am not proud of, I wont regret as I have come out the other side.

Turns out I am not going to surgery on Monday. Kept phoning the hospital to find out about it, but nobody knew anything and kept promising to phone us back. I even emailed my surgeon, but to no luck. I know he is at the hospital on Monday, sop hopefully there will be more news from there.

Well, I hope there is, as I am starting to squeak. I get air in easier than out, so often, I end up forcing the air out, kinda like blowing candles out, which helps a little. But, with the squeaks, its more noticeable, as I can walk into a shop and suddenly everyone on the aisle turns around and stares to see what the gasping squeaky sound is.

The other issue is sleeping. I am finding t harder and harder to wake up from sleep. This morning mum stood outside my door shouting as loud as she could and couldnt not wake me. Took about 30 mins of shouting before I got to the point where I could acknowledge her. I have noticed this before, when things like my night time machine can been for over 10 minutes right next to my head, before I am awake enough to realize what it is and another 5 minutes before I can get my body to move to push the switch.

But I feel a lot more in control now. I do hope it lasts, especially tomorrow. Tomorrow is an important day. I may try and explain more here tomorrow maybe.