Monday, September 13, 2010

Bad day

Today, has been a bad day. Today, I have felt the familiar bitter, angry frustrated feeling. That one that makes you want to scream out loud, the one that makes you want to cry and put a finger up to the world.

Yesterday was exhausting, yet last night I could not sleep. I lay awake staring at the celling till at least 5. Woke up for the loo at 8 and mum woke me at 10. I felt tired upon waking, but more than that, my breathing felt tight. I ran a nebulizer, hoping that perhaps I had just been stuffy last night, slept with my mouth open and perhaps my throat had dried. I then went downstairs. Came back up a while later and sat on my bed for 5 minutes waiting for my breathing to return to a normal rate. Literally sucking the air into my lungs again, fighting back tears wanting to scream not again. Ran a couple more nebs and went out with mum.

I couldnt keep up with mums pace again. I am not sure if it was muslce pain in my legs from yesterday stopping me, or my breathing. But I do know, that I had to stop at the top of a slight slope. At a mid pace on flat land, I seem to be ok, but add any speed or gradient and my breath is gone.

The scary part about all this, this is how it started last time, when I had the stent.  When the stent began to block,  of a morning I would be very breathless, as the day went on and I ran more nebs, it would settle, but any sleep, would  bring back the breathlessness.

I dont want to go back to how things were! I am enjoying life with air too much. I am moving around, seeing people, talking to people being active. I am catching up on what I have missed. I am having to much fun to lose my breath again. Please let this be a bad day that will fix itself.

Perhaps it all just seems worse as I am tired and sore and people keep moving the goal posts. Yesterday, mum kept telling me off for doing to much as I am 'not well' and shouldnt be doing it. She told my sister that I would probably spend most of today sleeping to catch up on rest from Saturday. Yet she woke me early this morning and after shopping, I said that I was tired. She called me lazy and told me she would not be happy if I went to sleep, that I had hosue work to do and such. gah, make up your mind!

I also seem to have developed a new air leak. I thought they had all closed. But coughing or sneezing makes a golf ball sized lump appear on my neck. I can squeeze the air out slowly, but it comes back the next time I cough.

I am under the best doctor there is for these problems, I know they will fix it if it is wrong, but lets hope it isnt. Tomorrow I shall wake up and everything will be fine once again. I can continue with helping my sister and seeing friends and catching up on house work.

On a lighter note, I never did post my hair. Though it has been hard to get a picture that shows its current color.

Kinda Blonde fading to baby pink. It will be going back to red very soon.

1 comment:

  1. Crossing my fingers that all the busy activity of the weekend had just caught up with you! Take care :D