urgh

I dont think that I am going to be able to make a factual style post tonight :/
Which kinda sucks as I was enjoying making them.

I hate to moan about how I am feeling all the time, but, it does seem to be filling so much of my life at the moment and defining what I do.

I have been feeling under the weather for a couple of days but I was doing the whole, if I ignore it, it will go away style thing.

I have been feeling cold and tired mainly. I know there is some type of infection in my trach site, again! I told the nurse this at my tube change on Monday, she said it looks fine, but I know that it isnt. I have gone from needing to change the dressing every sort of 30 hours to now needing it every 10 hours. It dosnt look to bad because I changed dressings and started to use the wonderful duo derm on it. That stuff is like a second skin and does wonders, but I cant use it for more than a couple of days as I get really itchy and rashy and ick. So anyway, I insisted she swabbed it for me and sent it off. No doubt I will get a phone call with the results in the next couple of days. (I think cultrues are about 5 days, so sometime next week)

Anyway, I now think, whatever was/is in my trach site has gone onto my chest. Coughing fits seem to have increased a lot and it looks nasty. Plus I always know when my chest is blocking up, when I need to double the amount of tubes I go through. I had gotten down to one for a night and two for a day. Now however its 2-3 of a night and 6 of a day. Charming huh.

But tonight, I just feel so drained. I was so tired last night, I was asleep by 2, which is fairly early for me. My alarm went off at 11:50 and I couldnt wake up. After hitting sleep a couple of times I eventually woke at 12:20. Could barley keep my eyes open all day. It got to tea time and I just sat with my plate staring at it. I felt to tired to physically move my arm. I had a few mouthfuls, but then nausea kicked in. I kept trying for a bit more as I often feel sick when I dont eat, but each bite made me feel worse, so I gave up and curled up for an hour.

Perhaps its the painkillers. I started with real bad lady pains last night, that I dont normally get. But then, perhaps my body is just objecting to things at the moment. My voice feels like its getting quieter and I know I am really having to struggle and force it out at the moment. Which of course results in headaches from the pressure and lack of oxygen.

Perhaps im just in a moany mood.

But tonight, I think I might put a film on and get into bed.
Sorry for suck an icky post.