Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Still here

So I went on holiday.
Yeah yeah, I know, I am never home, but I like to see the world, or to escape day to day life at home.

I went to Greece with a friend.
It was a lazy sit around and do nothing holiday. Which was kinda a good job because that was about all I was up to most of the time.
My breathing was pretty lame, and Greece is not known for being a flat country and so there were plenty of times when, despite the low activity level, I had to stop to catch my breath and such. It was also frustrating keeping on top of treatments, when I wanted to be out doing things.
But despite all that, I had lots of fun.
Saw lots of things and generally loved being out.
I will post some pictures up at some point

I came back Monday morning and was readdmitted Monday afternoon. Things were getting pretty scary by that point and even slow walking was causing my heart to beat so fast, whilst I had a lot of strange feelings such as needing to take deeper breaths than I could manage. I dont get scared often, but this was one of those times, when I could feel the panic begin to set in.

Theatre went off without a problem. Coming around afterwards, despite the pain, I could feel such a differnce being able to breathe and actully felt more awake than I had done in a long time.

But it was only 3 weeks since I had last been in theatre and the top half of my airway had closed almost fully. When I got home, I was exhausted, physically and emotionally. There is a lot going on at home at the moment, I wont go in to it, but things are pretty tense. All that put together was my main reason for the last entry here.

Sometimes, a dark mood sets in and it is hard to escape from it. Hospital are doing all they can for me, but at this point, the chances of me living a long and active life, are pretty slim. I need a long and truthful talk with my Doctor. But right now, it seems like a fight just to get that. I need answers and I need a plan. I need to know where I stand. Else this bleak mood is just going to keep sitting around as I feel that I dont know where I am heading, nor do I have anything to aim for.

Taking things one day at a time for now and we shall see what is happening from there.

1 comment:

  1. Pleased you had a little break in Greece.......I hope you get your chat with the Doctor soon, so you have a plan