Let it out.

I am restless today.
Pacing my room.
Wanting to do something but not sure what.
Even my craft stuff cant hold my attention.
I have finished my book.
Nothing keeps me grounded today.

Last night was a bad night.
Not in the senses that I didnt sleep.
But in the sense, that the dreams were vivid, clear, long.
Bad dreams, only dreams, but leaving me shaken up all the same.

Today I was emotional tired.
Yet, my mind wanted to do things.
Perhaps my brain has accepted my current position.
But my head hasnt.

I want to be something, someone.
I want my life to have purpose.
There has to be more to this life than just existing.

I want so many things.
Companionship being a big one at the minute.
I long for company.
Sure, I have my parents, but that is pretty much it these days.

Friends from school left when I couldnt keep up.
Others got bored of hospital visits.
And I have been unable to work, so not meet new people.

Meeting new people is hard.
Many people can not hear me anymore.
And most people my age are building their lives.
Their carers, thir families, their jobs.

I am tying off loose ends.
Tidying things up.
But part of me wants nothing more than to rest my head on somones shoulder.
To have them say, its going to work out.
To wake up feeling safe, not still trapped in a dream land.

I am still me
And I am still hopeful.
But a part of me craves so much more.
And times like now, I have to let it out.
In order to keep going.