Sunday, July 08, 2012


I am slowly getting back in to UK time and managing the ability to stay awake during the day, so thats progress right.

I have been sorting through my holiday photos, one of those tasks with digital cameras, where you take way to many shots as you dont have to pay for printing. I am about 3/4 through sorting them but so far have 200 photos that I like eek. You never realise how many you take.

But I am writing tonight for a different reason. My mood is altering again and I dont like it. I know everyone gets holiday blues, but its not that. I am in one of those places where I dont know if it is my mood noticing more, or that things are getting pointed out more.

I cough, a lot, after being away, I am coughing more. I found that the pressure changes on the plane during landing and take off, really aggrivated my cough. So, on the plane, as you can guess, I coughed lots more. On two differnt planes, when we got off, Mum pointed out about hearing people complaining about my cough. It was the same in a shop earlier. I cant control my cough, its a violent cough to the point where I often either end up sat down making sure my bladder behaves or I end up in the loo fighting to keep my lunch down.

But this isnt new, so why I am noticing it more now.
The same went the other day. I walked past the person I have written about previosuly who I used to go to school with and who I got close to at one point. We poliety ignore one another and look the other way when we pass each other. Yesterday, we did the same as usual, walking past each other, but his girlfriend was talking to him. I noticed her looking at me, but ignored it. Mum who was behind me, later pointed out that he had said something to her and they both looked at me and she made a face, kinda like eeee.

I dont know, its a lot of things adding up, looking at holiday pictures dosnt help. but right now, my confidence and self esteem, is very low. This in the past has lead to dangerous ground. I guess it is a step forward that I am able to spot this before things progress. But that dosnt make it hurt any less.

Its time for change. I have to do something.
Just got to ride out the storm and hope for as little damage as possible ont he other side.

1 comment:

  1. I wish I could say something that would help . . . I doubt it though, Some people are ignorant and judgemental.
    I'm not sure why your Mum needs to point out to you that folk are complaining . . . If you hadn't noticed, why would she want you to know . . It's not like you can stop coughing or tone it down. I'd be more inclined to point out to those "complainers" and "eeee" face makers (lol) that they should count their effing blessings that they don't have that cough and all that goes with it.
    I hope you can nip this in the bud before it progresses. You're a brave, strong person Kim even to be getting on a plane and enjoying travelling with your breathing difficulties.
    Praying here for a little "spark" of something in your life to build up your self esteem . . . preferably today!
    I hope this storm is short and that you find yourself on the other side of it real soon.
    Take care Kim x