Thursday, June 24, 2010


I have at least 3 separate posts compossed on my head that I want to write on here. I have a ton of research that I want to do as well as numerous other tasks that I had planned for tonight. However I am instead posting on an entirley differnt issue and it's not planned and it's not worded in any sensical way. I am frustrated beyond belief. I am actually crying in frustration. People that I want/need to contact me arnt. People that I don't want to speak to are contacting me. I feel guilty. It's not that I don't want them on my life, believe me I do. But I can only take so much pain in my life and letting this person on will cause more, they always do. Plus I refuse to have people on my life who are there outlet out of pity and I can't help but think that's what this is. So my laptop is still in repair, the loan laptop is broke and my desktop tells me there is no keyboard attached when there is. When you can't talk and you can't hear the computer becomes your life. It is amazing how much it has knocked me tonight not having it. I know it's only a small thing but it seems to be the straw that broke the camels back tonight. My head is a mess. Just for once can things please go right! I keep promising people that I will be back and I will do certain things. Then something happens and I once again break my promise and make another one. I think I might change my name to a certain male name begining with H


  1. focusoninfinity25 June 2010 at 06:21

    "I have at least three separate posts composed in my head...".

    Perhaps you do not mean that as I do; I'm age 67 and rarely do it now; but when I was younger--sometimes; my brain was like three different computers handling different parts of a common problem, but when I tried to explain all three thought results at the same time, it was like three fast computers attempting to all print out the three things at the same time through one slow printer (mouth)": a jam-up resulted.

    Sometimes I could be processing, usually not three, but usually two unrelated thought processes; but with the same result--jam-up!!!

  2. Thats kinda what I mean. I have a lot of thought trails going through my mind and it just seems wrong sometimes to put them in the same post. For example talking about how great a time I am having in the same post that I talk about things such as suicidal feelings.