all good things come to an end.

Ive barley been on the computer compared with my norm.

Ive had a friend over and its been a good but busy weekend. Need to recover now (lol) There will be more about this later.

Im just tired tonight. Its been one of those long days that you just wish would hurry up and be over with.

It was my sisters birthday so we were going to go out for a meal. We were discussing how to arrange things best and I suggested a couple of things, but nothing was decided. Then they decided that they were going to a certain resturant and I mentioned something about how many tokens they needed. With that I got my head bitten off. That all the plans need to be changed yet again as i wasnt doing what I said I would do. (Yeah, I would be doing it if you just told me what the hell it was supposed to be) Anyway, they got pissy and stormed out.

So I deduced that I was supposed to pick my niece and nephew up from school and wait at my sisters house with them. So I am sat in the car, in the car park, waiting for the youngest to finish and talking to the eldest. We had the windows open because it was hot and we were just talking. The guy in the next car kept shouting his head off at his kids and was beginning to really annoy me. Then he looks over and shouts oi, whats that you got in your neck?! (Yeah I did have my scarf on but it was lose as I was in my own car minding my own bussiness) I sort of shook my head and shrugged, thinking perhaps I had imagined it. So he shouts again. I just glanced over to him and mumbled something about it being a medical device and turned back. I felt so embarrassed about it. I know I shouldnt, and I also know that he as an adult should have had a bit more tact, but I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole right there and then.

I made a cake for my sisters birthday, it was in the shape of hello kitty.

She seemed to like it.

I was talking to her later on, once my parents had gone home. Apprently mum told my eldest niece that I might have a nark on when I got there. (I have no idea why, when it was them getting pissy) and she told my sister that I had been out all weekend and had no meals at home at all. (I mean how dare I have any kind of social life for one weekend at the age of 24? Shocking isnt it) ha heres me thinking she would be pleased I was getting out, but of course, mother dosnt do pleased. Its so annoying. I know I need to keep doing things like this to get her used to it, but its been like this since I was young. I just give up on socializing and getting out because its just not worth the effort and the after effects that I get off my mum. It used to be the same with going to my sisters. I eventually stopped going as the time away wasnt worth the hassel and abuse I got when I got home. Its stupid, im an adult, I shouldnt be in fear of my parents.

Oh and even after asking mum not to say anything to my sister about me getting in touch with my other sister, mum starts talking casully about it in front of my sister, so I assume she told her then. (gee thanks)

So as a result of dad getting angry with me, the flashbacks have been on the edges of my vision all night. The blades sitting on my bedside table shouting out to me and a box of pills on my bed. It would be so easy to just destruct at this point. But its not worth it. I have the nurse out tomorrow so any damage would be picked up pretty quick. blah. But there is always tomorrow.

Oh and I am fully expecting at least one parent to kick off on me tomorrow, probably for not getting in till 10pm tonight (shock horror!) as they were in bed when I got home. But I dont care, it just gives me more fuel for my fire at this point.

Screw it